where has the blogosphere gone?

in to the wind, off and running. i was debating to myself whether or not to keep running this sad excuse for a blog of insightful thoughts, but decided ultimately to let it run on. it is nice to find a place to post things when i pretend i want the world to hear them.

in other news, i am back at school. conditioning paid off. this year is very different, but in a good way. i feel older being here, but still unsure and out of place as ever. i guess that’s life. life is still a cookie!

love always,
sarah

song: “happy” by Brandi Carlile

almost gone

my summer is almost over. im excited for the road trip with my mom, jelly and dulce (but not excited to be without Jem). i’m very not ready for summer to be over and not ready to start school or soccer, but what can you do. life comes fast. already i’m trying to find internships for next summer. at any rate, i leave July 28th and will be very busy up until then but i would like to see everyone before i leave, at least go out to dinner or do something fun. as much as i say it im not counting on my family living here next year due to my dad’s attempted retirement and other issues and the fact that im trying to be an pre-med intern at NYU next summer. so lets go crazy before i go!

life happens. bad things happen. your beloved dog bites your mother. someone doesn’t call. cancer happens. hiccups happen. But if you let yourself feel these things and take the time to roll with the punches, you realize that life can still go on in a beautiful way. You learn to appreciate the love you have. Not in a sad way, but in a warm, jovial kind of way. Moments can still take your breath away. Things don’t have to lose their beauty. Life can be happy and remorseful. It just takes a little resilience.

In the midst of the crazy things going on in my life, I still find peace at the ocean. I could go in to further detail, but I’ll leave the peace-finding up to your own imagination.

Love Sarah

farting noises

this just in: my nephew is taking after the schoenhals way and it quite the character.

baby kangaroo had been somewhat of a crank all afternoon. but i came home from my run to hold the 10-month-old goof in better spirits. lately he has taken to blowing “raspberries,” aka making spitting noises as one of his many sounds. today he cracked himself, and the rest of us, up by blowing on to my bare arm to make farting noises. everytime he made the “fart” sound he let out that precious baby bellowing chuckle. this went on for a good ten or fifteen minutes. this is why babies are awesome. they can entertain themselves with farting noises and bring light with that to every person in the room. yay!

love always,
Sarah

The JAZZ

made it to their first western conference finals since 1998. Go UTAH!

the mysterious rantings in the dead of night

it is technically 3 AM my time, and i cannot sleep. its times like these i let myself lie awake and wonder, what is the point of it all?

in two days i will be back in medford to stay for a significant period of time. it could be for the rest of the summer, but hopefully just until june when i am supposed to go counsel and train at summer camp. i am disappointed in medford. my mother told me all the libraries are closed because there is no money. i hate money. it seems to be ruling too much of my existence these days. i would like to change that, without become a greedy rich bitch. good luck.

before i know it i will be back in charlotte for my second year of college. life seems to be passing me by so quickly, and i just keep holding on for the ride hoping i can do something here or there. it may seem far away, but the end of college is just around the corner. i don’t know if i am ready to be a grown-up yet. what if i don’t get in to medical school? it seems to me, that if i follow on that road, the growing up will be done for me. i won’t have to be so decisive. maybe that is part of its appeal. that i will have a lot less to figure out becuase i will be on the path to what i want to do and that is enough said. maybe not. i can’t forget that why i want to be a doctor holds true on many levels. i do want to help people. i love the science of it all, i love the personal connection of it all. i want to be busy and have the ability to save lives – but saving lives exists both on a phyiscal and emotional level. and who is it that i am reminding about this dream? me, just me . i think i need to learn to be a grown-up while still holding on to that childish whimsical side. it is an incredibly hard balance to maintain. and at times i feel college has taken that away from me, because i get so caught up in the “real world” i forget about the beautiful side of life and all that my imagination can hold. i forget about the talking whale sometimes. and i miss him.

but i miss college already. i miss how chaotic and messy it is. i miss how busy i get. i miss having company in being awake at 3 am. it is a good feeling, to have a life and people to miss and that miss you. and i am glad for the break. a time to recharge my batteries and prepare for the changes the new year will bring. and i can’t forget a time to get my sorry behind in to good shape for preseason. ARg.

i think i am just hopelessly bored with myself again. gotta work on that one too.

in other news, the UTAH JAZZ have been having the best season since carl malone and john stockton left. they advanced to the second round of the playoffs and just beat golden state(another surprising victor in the first round)in the first game of the series. it may be a long shot, but a hell of a lot better chance than the resident oregon team. so here’s to rooting for my roots again. go JAZZ

love, sarah

song is “happiness” by the fray

if

If I were my perfect person, I would be able to play and write songs on the piano, the guitar, the banjo, the harmonica, and the fiddle. Then I would be able to tap dance like a mad woman and be phenomenal at Jazz and Ballet too. Not to mention a kick ass soccer player who can run for miles and miles on end if need be. I would have gettaways on the beach and in the mountains. George Bush and I would be friends because he would have stopped being so ridiculous, and we’d have an awesome President with whom I am also friends. I would be working on an awesome novel complete with my own matching illustrations while I worked in Africa as a top surgeon helping to cure many diseases and/or conditions there. I would have a dog that went with me everywhere. And a monkey too. And Horses – I would be an animal whisperer. I would go on wondrous adventures. My Butt would be SLGIHTLY smaller and I would be slightly taller. I would visit my happy family and great friends in the States often. Except Kate, who would sometimes join me in Africa as a veterinarian. Anna would be in a huge house with her sexy, rich hubby and Joey and maybe a couple more kids who LOVE crazy aunt Sarah. I’d stay somtimes in my old room at my parents house in the Oregon mountains where Jem gets to run freely everyday and my dad has his little paint colt that he loves. I would make appearances on Rachel’s talk show sometimes and visit Kristen and her four kids/ my godchildren often. And I’d have a wonderful man to go on the adventures with me, but he wouldn’t come on all of them, We’d have adventures of our own. I would be able to touch lives and make them better. The world would be my friend. In my dreams, I would save the world from all the pain, sadness and anger that befalls them.

outwardly speaking, who would you be?

love sarah

song: “bullets” by augustana

Sean thinks the VA Tech shootings are just another “blip on the radar.” I have to say a part of me agrees to that. After Columbine happened it is kind of just another school shooting story. Although that doesn’t mean the heart or mind adjusts to hearing about it. It doesn’t mean more fear isn’t instilled in to the beings of many Americans and the world. This one hit a little closer to home for me than normal, being a college student myself and being just two hours from there, with many friends of friends attending the school. As a part of humanity it hits close, and I have to mourn and feel the loss with them, and wonder why it is that these things can’t be prevented, and acknowledge that for the most part they really just can’t be.

Driving around Monday afternoon with the warm breeze blowing my hair through the window I felt the need to listen to happy music and sing a long happily, but couldn’t bring myself to. Like there was this invisible cloud cast over the day and my soul was telling me to mourn the deaths of the 33 people and keep feeling the heart-wrenching events of Saturday night. Then I though to myself, if life is so short and death is so shocking, why shoudln’t I be happy? That is the whole point, right, to enjoy what you have? But you can’t force yourself to enjoy every minute of it. And in doing that, you miss out on the beauty of the breakdown. Being sad at times it just as important as being happy. It is feeling alive. And if I want to take a warm summer day to let the sadness and emptiness overwhelm me, I’m going to let it. It doesn’t rule my existence, it is just a part of life, another bump in the road. The glitches are just as important as the parts of smooth sailing. So here is to embracing that. And to attempting to piece together the tragic and scary events of life. Life carries on without falter, but my thoughts still sit with VA Tech, shock, blip, travesty, or whatever else it is or isn’t.

Love Sarah

im really in it now

well i woke up today with tear-soaked cheeks and one hell of a headache, still feeling completely blindsided from the events of last night.

sports teams here are like gangs. you mess with one, you mess with the whole team. and before you know it it’s a brawl between your friends over something between just two people, like a girl. because there are so few people everyone always runs in to eachother and hook up with the same people and grudges are held exceedingly hard because things are unavoidable. fights happen. not often, in fact i have seen only a couple, but they do happen. what is strange is when it is between your good friends. when they get the drinking and become belligerent, completely different people.

so there i was getting some air when i found myself in a blur of shoving and punching and screaming. fortunately it ended and no one was really hurt. everyone made it back to campus safely. apologies were handed out today and for the most part thinsg are smoothed. guys have a tendency to get over things quickly. but this is definitely the talk of the school. it is just so cliché for that to happen. and very not at the same time.

it was on my way back to campus in my crying stage that i began calling every person i had seen at that party to make sure they were okay. and somewhere among the eighteen million weepy, messy phone calls i realized that i am really in it here now. im involved now. this place has become a life for me. i am hooked and i have people that i can’t help but care about and worry about. do they care equaly about me? i don’t know. but in those oh-so-overwhelming dramatic events like the one of last night those sides are seen amid the violence and scare.

sorry for the lack of updates recently…i have been really busy and haven’t found much to write about. but i’ll try to do better. only two weeks left of school! hopefully i can avoid any dramatic fighting, weeping endeavors for that long.

love sarah

never smile at a crocodile

there are two things that come to mind when “irrational fears” are mentioned: alligators, and elevator doors.  irrational? i think not! surely elevator doors probably won’t squish me, but what if one malfunctions and does? and then the elevator part takes off and you are squished and mangled between the floor at which you entered the elevator and the elevator.  maybe that was going a little too in depth about it.  im working on that fear.  i am.

as for crocodiles, i had a really horrible all-night nightmare about them and lemons being put in our stomachs and how they killed my pony named lemon and my sister and they kept coming after me when i was little.  most definitely not an irrational fear. 

 the reason im mentioning them is because tomorrow is officially day one of spring break woohoo! 2007.  i’ll be going to orlando for the weekend and then me and my girls will head to join a big queens crowd in daytona beach until friday, when we head to savannah for the st. patrick’s day celebrations.  it will be a good time.  according to my dear friend rachel, whose house we are crashing at in orlando, crocodiles are in every lake in florida.  she lives by the most infested one in the country, and told me a story about a man who got his hand bit off for washing his hand off in a pond nearby her house.  her neighbors once had the six foot croc waddle through their backyard.  AH! actually im kinda excited to see a crocodile, but seriously…one in my backyard? i can’t imagine.  i just keep thinking of the ticking from peter pan.  it gives me the chills.  i am told that when being chased by an alligator, one should run in zig zags because the gator will chase you in your direct path, so by doing that one might be able to outrun it.  apparently they are fast.  like sqauty mountain lions.  with scales and bigger mouths.  and that are green. 

 im pretty excited, despite the shark, jellyfish, alligator, elevator door and rapist warnings.  here’s to a true vacation! happy spring break to you all!

 love always,

sarah